AidelMaidel is engaged!

Okay, perhaps there is something weird about me taking out some tissues when I read the news on AidelMaidel’s blog that she said “yes” to “Mr. Sky High.” I don’t know the woman, for heaven’s sake. Yet here I am crying with tears of joy for this ultra-Orthodox single mother of two.

A while ago, I was talking to a friend about the phenomenon of blogging, and I told him that I read two or three blogs (or six or seven) everyday. The guy was gobsmacked. He thought it was very strange – almost voyeuristic – that I took such an interest in the lives of strangers. Well, the way I see it, it is better than shedding tears over some brainless soap opera that is 100% fiction.

AidelMaidel has, up until this point, suffered a lot in her life: she was the victim of child abuse, and was left virtually penniless after divorcing her husband just a few years ago. I admit to following religiously her trials and tribulations as she went on a series of blind dates with no-hopers, and I rooted for her when she finally met Mr. Sky High (all her dates have been given aliases on the blog). Theirs has not been a long courtship; they started dating less than three months ago (anyone who knows me will realize the irony of this statement, considering Josh and I only dated for six weeks before getting engaged), and today AidelMaidel announced on her site their engagement.

The funny part is that her readers have lately been expressing their concern about her relationship with Mr. Sky High, and the speed at which it was progressing. They feared that she was rushing in to the relationship, and after the debacle of her first marriage, she should be more cautious. I found AidelMaidel’s response to her readers’ expressions of concern very amusing:

I am surprised how many of you commented and emailed me in regards to the Baker’s Dozen post about Mr. Sky-High.

I would like to remind all of you that you only get the information that I give you. What I don’t share here means you don’t know about it. Out of deference to Mr. Sky-High’s right to privacy, and my great respect for him, I don’t share all the gory details of our dates. After 14 dates that average 5 hours a piece, I think I know him significantly better than the readers of my blog, since you only get klalim in regards to him, and I actually know the person.

You also seem to forget that I am not going into this blindly. There were extensive reference checks on Mr. Sky-High before I even agreed to go out with him. There are rabbis, rebbetzins and a shadchan who are all consulted after every date. It’s not like this is some guy I picked up in a bar two days ago and am agreeing to marry him. It’s also not like my parents arranged this match, I meet him once, and BAM, we’re married.

Is Mr. Sky-High perfect? Nope.
Is he everything that I said I wanted in a husband? Almost.
Can I live with the things that he isn’t because he does have the things I truly need? Yes.

I’ve already been in one bad marriage. (Of which, you guys don’t know the details either – you don’t know why it went wrong and what I did to make it work over the years.) I’m not interested in repeating it. I’m going into this with my eyes WIDE open. I know what Mr. Sky-High’s good points are and I know what areas he needs to improve upon. The question is, can I live with those areas that need improvement? Yes, I think I can.

That being all said, Mr. Sky-High is completely different from any man I’ve ever dated. I have always had terrible taste in men, and have always gone for men who were bad boys or simply bad for me. Mr. Sky-High is a boring, straight-forward, nice guy. That’s why I didn’t want to go out with him again after the first date. Thank G-d, my rebbetzin pushed me to go again, because there was simply no reason not to.

And as I’ve discovered, Mr. Sky-High while a boring, straight-forward, nice guy, is also probably the only man I’ve met with real, true passion. Because it’s passion based on a love for another person instead of a passion based on narcissistic self-love. And it’s something deep, profound, and not something easily put into words. I see he cares for me very deeply and cherishes me for me – for who I am, imperfections and all.

Do I know how much longer this is going to take, until we both feel ready? I have no clue. Only Hashem knows if and when. Until that time, feel free to give me your advice – just don’t expect me to take it.

She’s right. She definitely calls the shots in deciding which information to share with her readers, but – and I open up this question to all of you – on the other hand, if she is revealing the details of her personal life on a blog, is she not leaving herself open to people’s comments, opinions (you know, two Jews – three opinions), and unwanted pieces of advice? If she was just blogging for cathartic purposes, why not keep a journal in a Word file, where it is safe from nosy individuals?

That being said, her engagement is really great news, and I wish her and her fiance many happy and healthy years together, whether shared on the blogosphere or not.

  

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part-time buddha

14 years ago

Wow. You’ve touched on a lot of topics getting to the ontology of the blog here.

One, it is weird that I consider people I’ve never met as friends. Such is the power of blogging, though. You get close to people who reveal themselves slowly to you. It’s exactly how we end up loving fictional characters, except that these people are real. I think that blogging is so powerful because we’ve taken a familiar, age-old tradition (storytelling) and used it to meet people, free of the constraints of presence and immediacy.

Two, keeping a blog definitely opens you up for criticism and/or advice. But that’s the appeal. It proves to each of us that our thoughts are valid and worth sharing, which brings us a step closer to feeling that we are valid and worth sharing. My blog, because it is so intensely personal, has gotten me into trouble, but that’s part of it too. I could shut it down, but I choose not to.

Mostly though, it’s a line in a Counting Crows song that sums up the appeal of blogging: “These lines of lightning mean we’re never alone.”

(And thank you for reminding me that I love the word ‘gobsmacked’.

Sorelle

14 years ago

Exactement. I don’t know about you, but as well as all of the qualities of blogging that you mention, it is also proving to be addictive – which isn’t necessarily the best thing if you have other things in your life that demand your attention. I blame my husband. It was his idea. He created a monster.